yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
