im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
