Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
