How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
