If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize