you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
