Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
