i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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