they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
