at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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