Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize