I am puke
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
