i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me