what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?