piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
