I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
