im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
