Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
