I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
