i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
