I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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