I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
