Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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