you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
