Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
