omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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