Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm both gender and math confused
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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