The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
