There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
