He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
