kristin has been a bad kristin
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
