You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
