There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
