so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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