what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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