my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
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Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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