walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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