i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
