i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
