I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
