i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
