Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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