i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
