Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize