I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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