no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
