They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
