I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
