then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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