You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
