I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
