I can feel you judging me through the phone.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
