Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
