two words: eviction party
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
