and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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