I wish life had little blips of pornography
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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