is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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