I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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