i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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