There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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